Valkyries and other visions

What the what, as the kids say these days. Might hit 90 degrees in a couple days here in March, and as such I’ve just invited coworkers to an “Earth Day/End of Days Barbecue” in mid-April, provided we are all still on dry land at that time. Is it officially getting freaky on this planet? Sydney asked me with real concern, it seemed, the other night why it was so warm out. Even though she was just being her dramatic self (she’s her daddy’s girl!), I was still hit with a pang of fear that indeed the oceans would be swallowing us up in her lifetime. What? Now I’m being dramatic? That’s fine… go on living in your Starbucks bubble, people! We can still be friends if you bring me a latte now and then (triple fat, upside down, starchiatto, monkey-in-the-middle, strawberry blonde roast, please).

I’m not going to look at previous posts now, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I have started many of these entries with references to Starbucks and global warming. What kind of hippie/yuppie (huppie) dipster freak am I painting myself to be? That must be annoying and I apologize profusely. I suppose there are more urgent forces at work in this country… it’s an election year… no? Nothing there? Congress has massive budget cuts to accomplish… no leadership there? Great accomplishments in music and film? Did that Flight of the Conchords dude win for the “Muppet or a Man” song in a field of two nominees for best motion picture soundtrack/original song? Now I did love that song, but what a commentary on the music/film industry that they can’t even scrape together a field of nominees for a year’s worth of movies. I’ll have you know my office chair basketball documentary already has two or three potentially winning original songs in the can, as they say.

Speaking of which, I just mixed down one of the tunes, “Plea to the Valkyrie,” which–thanks to some great vocal tracks from my coworker–might be one of the better tunes I’ve recorded. Check it out at The song is about cheating death, which is becoming something to think about here as I cling to my late 20s. I know they say 30 is the new 15, but-… what? 40 is around the corner? Yes, which is why I’m thinking of throwing a HUGE bash for my 39th in December. Like everyone I know. Like 12 people, maybe. But really, that’s the time to celebrate, no? One whole year to go before you turn 40? Let’s think about it… get back to me on that. Who am I talking to? (Senility)

I felt young the other day when I heard a news story about how texting is replacing cellphone calls as the most popular use of smartphones among teens. No kidding! Why call anymore when you might get voicemail and have to go through that long process of leaving a message, trying to be funny, not being funny, trying to turn it into something funny with a long awkward pause, then trying to be all cool, serious and casual, “Yeah, so give me a call… remember me? I’m your friend from 20 years ago when we didn’t have kids and could actually invest time in a friendship… yeah, that guy, no don’t worry about it, Isaac just peed on himself, I gotta go.” And all when you just want to say, “What time this weekend?” or something easily communicable in a text. Of course you do want to actually “catch up” with friends by phone now and then, but you probably want to text first now to see if someone actually has 20 minutes to talk.

Because worse than leaving a voicemail is making someone have to check their voicemail. You have to dial, enter a code, listen to some robot say, “You have ONE new message,” to which you can only scream, “Yeah, I know! Play the message!” And then you get someone like me, “Hey there, broseph!! What the dog done did to yo chickee chickee chawwww-… wait… um-… that didn’t work. So-… *awkward pause*… Hey, this is Eric… just seein’ what you were up to (no kidding, that’s why I called, oh why the hell didn’t I just text), so uh, give me a call.” A completely useless voicemail. Now I suppose you still want to leave a voicemail in certain situations. “Hi, Peggy. assistant to my lawyer friend, I seem to have gotten into a bit of trouble here, texting while driving and rear-ending a police car. I uh, could use some legal assistance here at the precinct… they took away my phone otherwise I’d be texting Joe… THEY TOOK AWAY MY SMARTPHONE, PEGGY!!” Voicemail not completely dispensable yet.

So that was our technology segment for the day — switching gears to agriculture, I got into the garden for the first time this year to start some early prepping of the beds (the deeply-tilled areas where you plant things, for all you city folk). Our plan this year is to start to put paving stones over the walkways in the garden to contain the grass and weeds that grow there. And- what? Yes, no one could possibly be reading this anymore. Once again, the editor asleep at the wheel here. Speaking of sleep, I need to get to my nightly SQL programming reading before it gets too late. Yep, it seems like yours truly could only stay away from computer programming for the first 38 years of his life. It’s seeming more and more useful to learn this stuff for at least one of my projects, if for nothing else than to be able to tell our technical subcontractors why their products are crap. We suspect this… given how fragile a system we use seems to be… and it’d be nice to know it and avoid it in the future, I say.

Anyway, hope you all are enjoying the early warm weather. Until next time, I’m yours in a super long text.



About ericf73

A modern-day combination of Noah, Godot and Clark W. Griswold.
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